


Thor: Losers and Lovers

by d0d0bird



Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [26]
Category: Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Amora Flirts, Attempted Seduction, Awkward Jane Foster, Bondage, Bully Darcy Lewis, Bullying, Chaotic Neutral Loki, Darcy Lewis Being a Bitch, Darcy Lewis Bullies Jane Foster, Electrocution, Embarrassed Jane Foster, Embarrassment, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humiliation, Humor, Insecure Jane Foster, Jane Foster as Thor, Jane Foster-centric, Jealous Darcy Lewis, Light Bondage, Non-Consensual Bondage, Oblivious Thor, POV Jane Foster, Poly, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Possessive Amora, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Seduction, Situational Humiliation, Teasing, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation, and they were ROOMMATES, gagged, jealous Amora, oh my god they were roommates, wedgie, wedgies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23161468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0d0bird/pseuds/d0d0bird
Summary: After months of dreaming of the day she could be with Thor, Jane Foster has finally landed a date with the God of Thunder!But Thor’s lover, Amora the Enchantress, will not stand for this! That is, if she can keep Thor’s attention for longer than two seconds.
Relationships: Amora/Thor (Marvel), Jane Foster/Thor
Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507763
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Thor: Losers and Lovers

“All weapons are in order,” confirmed the captain, “We’re ready to run drills when you are, my lady.”

“Thank you, Captain,” said Sif, sitting at her desk with maps and lists laid out before her, “I’ll be with you later today.”

The captain gave a quick bow and left. Sif returned to her duties. Since Brunhilde had claimed the title of All-Mother regent, Sif had been promoted to head of the guard. Sif was well suited for the position, knowing the members of the guard better than anyone. She also had a great mind for military strategy. She was thriving in the position too, with the guard operating at its greatest efficiency in memory. As much as Sif hated to admit it, Brunhilde knew how to run things.

“Lady Sif!” cried a guard as he ran in, “There’s an intruder! She-”

The guard was unable to finish his sentence before a green mist seeped in through the door. Sif, her hand already on the hilt of her sword, watched the guard as he accidentally inhaled the mist. She then saw the familiar look of infatuation on the guard’s face as he broke into a dreamy smile and he collapsed against the wall, too smitten to move. A tall, curvy woman dressed in a gorgeous green gown and an elaborate green headdress sauntered into the room.

“Amora,” said Sif, lifting her hand from her sword, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Don’t act innocent with me, Sif,” said Amora, “You know exactly why I’m here.”

“Are you looking for Thor again?”

“Indeed,” she said, strolling across the room in almost a glide, “Where are you hiding him?”

“Nowhere, Amora,” said Sif, resuming her work, “He’s not here.”

“Nonsense!” spat Amora, “He’s always thought he could shun me to adore you, but no longer...”

“He’s on Midgard.”

“Because today I, the Enchantress, shall-! Wait. Did you say Midgard?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?” asked Amora in disgust, “Why?”

“I believe he wanted to spend time with a human woman named Jane Foster.”

“Jane Foster!?” demanded Amora angrily, “Where on Midgard can I find this wench!?”

“Last I heard they were in a city called Chicago,” sighed Sif, “Jane Foster is just a human, Amora. Be careful not to break her.”

“I make no promises!” declared Amora, swirling her cloak around her as she was engulfed in darkness and vanished without a trace.

“Hm,” thought Sif for a moment, “Maybe I shouldn’t have told her that.”

***

Jane sighed as she stood up from kneeling and flushed the toilet. She looked around the bathroom. Finally, it looked half decent. She had spent the better part of her Sunday cleaning the entire apartment, which had been a mess since her new roommate moved in.

Jane gathered up the trash in the wastebasket and carried it out of the bathroom, making her way out of the apartment and down the hall to the trash chute. Things had not gone terribly well for Jane since Thor and Loki showed up.* Their arrival signalled the end of S.H.I.E.L.D. 's investigation into Mjolnir, which meant that Jane no longer had a job. Thor and Loki had then lived with her for several weeks, during which time they ate most of her food and constantly borrowed money without paying rent. Then one day S.H.I.E.L.D. had called the two for a mission and she hadn’t heard anything from either of them since.**

*In [She-Hulk & Thor: My Sister Stole My Hammer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527050)

**In [Avengers: Part of the Team](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190941)

Jane was left stressed for cash and living in an apartment by herself. Luckily, she had found a job as a research assistant in the anthropology department at Field University. The job didn’t pay enough for the rent, so Jane had been forced to find a roommate to move in and help cover costs.

Jane returned to the kitchen, which was still a hellish mess. Jane sighed and set about moving the dirty dishes into the sink. When she was ready to start scrubbing, she turned on the faucet. Jane shrieked as cold water sprayed all over her, erupting from the spout directly at her face. Jane shut the faucet off, now dripping wet, and removed the scotch tape that had been wrapped around the spout. That’s when she heard the conniving laughter of her new roommate.

“Very funny, Darcy.”

“It sure is!” cackled the roommate in question, “I’ve been sitting here for, like, 20 minutes waiting for you to come in and do that.”

“I’d really rather you didn’t,” sighed Jane, “I’m trying to clean this place up.”

“Whatever.”

Darcy Lewis was actually a graduate student from Field University. She was a thin woman with sharp eyes and a resting smirk at almost all times. She delighted in making a fool of Jane whenever possible, usually in the form of pranks or embarrassing her in front of university staff. That all might have been tolerable if Darcy were a respectful roommate, but instead she was a complete mess. She left her own dirty laundry everywhere, constantly “borrowed” things from Jane, and had kicked Jane out for sex half a dozen times in the past month alone.

“You know, you might have better luck getting a date if you wore some decent pants,” said Darcy, “Those jeans make your ass look flatter than a billboard.”

“Please stop looking at my ass,” grumbled Jane as she dried her face off with a towel.

“I’m serious!” continued Darcy, “Look, they’re so loose that the back is sticking way out! I could drop, like, an entire potato in there. Oh hey! Are those new undies?”

Darcy hooked her finger through Jane’s back belt loop and pulled the waistband of the jeans farther back, trying to get a better look at the purple underwear. Jane pulled away from her roommate flailing and yelping. Darcy scoffed as Jane calmed herself down and pouted at her.

“Stop!” said Jane angrily, “You know I hate wedgies!”

“Calm down, weirdo,” laughed Darcy, “I was just checking what kind they were. I thought maybe you had finally bought yourself something sexy. Guess I was wrong. I mean, come on! Floral granny panties? Really?”

“They’re just for laundry day,” muttered Jane, blushing.

“Sure,” said Darcy, “Tell me: do you _ever_ plan on getting laid?”

“I get laid!” insisted Jane indignantly.

“Yeah? Name one person you’ve slept with.”

Jane blushed. She couldn’t think of anything to say. Darcy just smiled smugly. She had Jane’s number. She knew perfectly well that Jane still hadn’t had sex, though Jane would never admit it. 

They both turned their heads when they heard the knock at the door.

“You gonna get that?” asked Darcy impatiently.

Jane scowled and answered the door. She had to hold in a gasp when she saw who it was.

“Thor!”

“Jane Foster!” he declared, “It has been too long!”

“A friend of yours?” asked Darcy as she walked up behind Jane, “You didn’t mention any gue- Oh my God…”

Darcy stared at the man before them. Thor was dressed in a tight sweater and skinny jeans, both of which clearly defined his impressive muscles. His wide smile and the large hammer hanging off his belt confirmed it was him. Darcy was flabbergasted. She didn’t believe Jane when she had told her she met Thor. Staring at him now, Darcy was as amazed as she was aroused.

“Hey Jane,” whispered Darcy, “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Um, sure,” agreed Jane, “One second, Thor.”

Darcy closed the door, grabbed Jane by the arm, and rushed her into the bedroom. Darcy closed that door as well and turned to Jane excitedly.

“Oh my God,” she beamed, “You weren’t kidding! He’s real! And real pretty!”

“Yes,” nodded Jane, “Thank you for admitting it. Now can I go-?”

“Dibs.”

“What?”

“I call dibs on Thor.”

“Dibs?”

“I have first dibs on having sex with the thunder god,” said Darcy plainly.

“Wait,” sputtered Jane, “You can’t call dibs on-”

Darcy was already on her way back out of the bedroom. Jane grabbed her by the arm. She couldn’t let Darcy take this from her. Jane had spent her entire life dreaming of proving myths true, only to be mercilessly mocked for it. Thanks to that hard work, there was finally someone who was interested in her. This meant the world to her. She couldn’t let Darcy take it from her.

“Let go!” grunted Darcy, tugging her arm free.

“I won’t let you!” pouted Jane, “Thor’s _my_ friend!”

Jane made a move for the door herself, but felt Darcy catch her by the back of the pants. She didn’t have time to react before Darcy had yanked out the back of her new undies and tugged them tightly back. Jane squealed in pain as her face turned red in indignation.

“Darcy!” cried out Jane as her roommate sprinted past her and out of the bedroom.

Jane made a lunge at Darcy, but felt the sharp sting of the wedgie worsening and stopping her in her tracks. She looked over her shoulder and saw that Darcy had hooked the underwear’s leg holes to the bedroom door handle. Jane reached back to unhook it, but Darcy had twisted it around so it was practically a knot.

“Good luck getting out of that,” sneered Darcy, “I’ve spent years perfecting that trick.”

Jane made another angry leap at Darcy, but squealed as she felt the elastic cut into her as soon as she did. She stumbled forward, which pulled the door shut behind her. Jane was now trapped standing directly in front of her closed bedroom door with her undies hooked to the handle on the other side, tightly held by the shut door. Jane could only watch as Darcy made it to the door and greeted Thor.

“Hi! My name’s Darcy Lewis,” she smiled, “I’m Jane’s roommate.”

“Well met, Darcy Lewis!” declared Thor, giving her a hearty handshake.

Jane tried to step toward them, but the wedgie squeezed her tighter and held her in place.

“Jane Foster!” said Thor, approaching her and opening his arms for a hug, “Come here!”

 _Oh no…_ realized Jane.

Thor wrapped his arms around Jane in a bearhug and lifted her up and off the ground with the force of a god. Jane clenched her teeth and twitched as her underwear was further strained by Thor pulling her away from the door. Thor put her back down, completely unaware of the massive wedgie he had just caused. Jane let out a quiet whimper. Darcy snickered. She had seen the whole thing.

“So the Avengers, huh?” asked Darcy, walking up to Thor, “That’s crazy! Tell me, is Captain America as tall in real life as he looks on TV?”

“Yes,” nodded Thor enthusiastically, “and he is quite the noble warrior.”

“What do you do when you’re not fighting aliens?” asked Darcy, “Like for fun?”

“Well in the past I have journeyed the cosmos to satisfy my lust for adventure,” explained Thor, “but Midgardians have taught me about such entertainment as movies, video games, and podcasts!”

“Podcasts, huh?” considered Darcy, “You know, I’ve thought about starting one myself.”

Jane tried again to free herself. Her new undies were getting more and more stretched out by this ordeal, but they were still firmly knotted to the handle on the other side of the bedroom door. All she could do was watch as Darcy charmed her crush. Every attempt Jane made to interfere only gave her a worse wedgie. She still found herself pulling though, trying to get free.

“That is fantastic!” declared Thor, “What do you wish to talk about on your podcast?”

“True crime.”

“Tell me more!” requested Thor excitedly, “I would love to know-”

**RIIIIIPPP!!!**

Darcy and Thor turned to see Jane lying face down on the floor in front of the bedroom door. The shredded purple remains of her underwear trailed from her pants as she groaned in pain. The other torn half of the underwear could partially be seen sticking out of the closed door.

“Jane Foster!” gasped Thor, “Your smallclothes have been torn!”

“Yeah...” murmured Jane as she got to her feet, face bright red, “I know…”

“It looks quite painful, too!”

“I know…”

“How did this happen?” asked Thor.

“Aw, Jane,” laughed Darcy nervously, “Did you get your undies stuck on the door again? I’ve told you about that! It can be dangerous.”

“Indeed,” nodded Thor, “You should be more careful, Jane Foster.”

Jane looked away bashfully as she subtly tried to pull the underwear out of her butt.

“So what brings you here?” Darcy asked Thor, “You guys are still based in D.C., right?”

“Yes,” confirmed Thor, “I have come to see if Jane Foster would be interested in a date.”

Darcy’s jaw dropped. So did Jane’s.

“Seriously?!” demanded Darcy.

“Seriously or in a silly manner,” shrugged Thor, “Whichever would make Jane Foster happy.”

“Yes!” blurted Jane out suddenly, “Yes I want to go on a date with you!”

“Excellent!” grinned Thor, “Do you wish to get ready first?”

“Um,” blushed Jane, remembering her torn underwear and frumpy outfit, “Yes…”

“Understood,” nodded Thor, taking a seat on the couch, “I will be here when you’re ready.”

Darcy stared in disbelief. Jane nervously rushed back into the bedroom to change. Darcy simply shook her head in resignation. Jane changed into a cute tunic and leggings, put on some makeup, and rushed excitedly up to Thor.

“So,” she smiled anxiously, “What did you want to do?”

“I have considered a great many things,” said Thor, standing to leave, “Like the river architecture tour! Or the Art Institute! Or that enormous bean!”

The two opened the door to leave, but were met instead with a curvy woman leaning against the archway, leering at Thor up and down. Jane yelped in surprise to see the woman so suddenly. Thor seemed unfazed.

“Thor,” said the woman slowly, “Did you really think you could leave me?”

“Of course not,” said Thor cheerily, “Unless you wanted me to, of course.”

“Then who is this!?” demanded the woman, pointing a long finger at Jane.

“Amora, this is Jane Foster,” introduced Thor politely, “Jane Foster, this is my lover: Amora.”

“I… What?” muttered Jane.

Jane was aware of Thor’s polyamory, but was very alarmed by this woman.

“Return with me to Asgard,” said Amora, running her hand down Thor’s chest, “Let us be together and make love once more!”

“I like the sound of that!” smiled Thor, “I’ll be there tomorrow. Right now I have a date with Jane Foster.”

“I… What?” muttered Amora.

Thor and Jane had already made their way past her and down the apartment hallway. Amora simply stood there stunned. She knew that she was only one of Thor’s many lovers, but she still found it difficult to accept that he would choose to spend time with a Midgardian instead of her.

“Just you wait, Thor,” she whispered, “I’ll show you AND your precious Jane Foster… I’m the only one you truly desire!”

“What was that?” called Thor from down the hall, “We can’t hear you from here!”

Thor and Jane were standing a few doors down from Amora, waiting for the elevator to arrive. 

“Nothing,” said Amora quietly in frustration.

***

“What a glorious place!” bellowed Thor.

Jane and Thor were strolling through the Art Institute, passing by different paintings and sculptures in the abstract wing. Thor was positively fascinated by abstract art, since Asgard had not developed anything quite like it. He had endless questions about each piece. Jane was appreciative that he didn’t seem to mind that she didn’t know all of the answers.

“This Salvador Dali,” he asked, “has he truly visited the distant realms beyond Yggdrasil?”

“What?”

“His paintings,” explained Thor, “They evoke worlds beyond the known realms.”

“I think that’s just how his mind works,” said Jane, “I don’t think he ever left Earth. Er, Midgard.”

“Truly!?” realized Thor excitedly, “What a brilliant man!”

Jane giggled. She was quite charmed by Thor’s enthusiasm for human artists.

“You know he had a pet ocelot.”

“What is that?”

“Sort of like a large cat.”

“Ah, yes!” recalled Thor, “Those small furry creatures Midgardians keep to hunt those even smaller furry creatures!”

“Right,” chuckled Jane, “They can also be comforting and affectionate.”

“That makes sense,” said Thor, “They are quite soft.”

Jane realized something.

“You know for lunch we could go to a cat cafe,” she suggested, “They let you pet the cats while you eat.”

“That sounds delightful!” agreed Thor, “Let’s go!”

“Uh, sure,” smiled Jane.

“But first I must relieve myself,” added Thor, “One moment please.”

Jane sighed and smiled. She didn’t care for some of Thor’s… direct phrasing. She would have to talk to him about that another time. For now she was quite enjoying their date and, much to her surprise, Thor seemed to be enjoying it too. Maybe she had finally gotten her lucky break.

Thor entered the bathroom and placed his hammer on the floor near the entrance. He went about his business and washed his hands at the sink. He washed his face as well while he was there. When he wiped the soap and water from his face and opened his eyes he could have sworn he saw Amora standing in the reflection.

“Thor…” she beckoned.

Thor dismissed the thought. He was probably just tired. After all, what would Amora be doing in a museum bathroom? Thor had to focus on his date right now. He picked up his hammer and walked out of the room. 

Amora glared at him in disbelief. She was standing right there behind him seductively revealing her leg through the slit of her dress. How had that not gotten his attention? Were his feelings for this Jane Foster really so true?

“Nonsense,” hissed Amora, “I refuse to believe that! I will show Thor that only I-”

“Amora?” asked Thor, poking his head back in, “Is that you?”

“No!” she cried, panicking in confusion.

Then she realized that she still wanted to seduce him.

“I mean, yes! Love me, Thor! Come to me!”

“I will!” smiled Thor, “I can’t wait to return to Asgard and make sweet love! Then I can tell you all about Jane Foster!”

Amora crossed her arms and pouted as Thor left without another word.

***

Jane sipped her coffee and watched Thor with a smile. She knew he would like this place, but she didn’t realize how much. Apparently, cats loved Thor. When they first arrived he had taken a liking to a white one and pet it until they were seated. The white cat then followed them to their table where she curled up to Thor for more pets. More cats followed, and now half a dozen were sitting either on or near Thor as he laughed and pet each of them. He still hadn’t touched his food.

“They seem to like you,” noted Jane.

“They are such gentle and kind creatures!” said Thor loudly, “What a great restaurant!”

Jane smiled. It seemed like every new thing she showed him about Earth excited him. Thor had been a subpar roommate, but the more Jane saw him exploring this world the more she was charmed by him. He was so full of positive energy and happiness. He made her happy just to be around him.

“Thank you for showing me this place, Jane Foster!”

“You’re welcome.”

“You are a wonderful date!” he declared, “We should make love!”

Jane spat her coffee out onto the table. She immediately panicked and began wiping up the mess as the cats scurried off in fear. Thor simply watched her with a smile. She blushed and shifted around in her seat. She couldn’t believe he had said that.

“If you would have me,” added Thor after a moment.

“Yes!” said Jane, a little too loudly, “Yes, yes.”

“Excellent!” smiled Thor, “Do you have a preference as to where and when?”

“Um…” muttered Jane, heart pounding, “My apartment? After this?”

“Sounds wonderful!” declared Thor, “I am ready when you are!”

Jane couldn’t believe it. They hadn’t even ordered their food yet. Not that they were going to now. Jane had never been so attracted to anyone in her life. There was no way she was going to wait any longer for an opportunity like this.

“Yes,” agreed Jane, “but first I have to go to the bathroom.”

She paused for a moment as she got up from the table.

“By the way,” she added, “on Midgard we use that phrase instead of ‘relieve myself.’ That one makes some people uncomfortable.”

“Thank you for telling me!” smiled Thor.

Jane nodded and smiled back. She knew he’d understand.

Thor watched Jane head into the bathroom and looked around for another cat to pet. Most had been frightened off by Jane’s spit take, but a black one with green eyes had finally mustered up the courage to return. She rubbed against Thor’s leg as he pet her. Then she leapt up and into his lap, staring up at him as he scratched her ears.

“Hello Thor,” she said.

“Jane!” called Thor, “Cats cannot speak, can they?”

“It is I, Amora!” said the cat, leaping off of Thor and growing in size.

“Amora!” gasped Thor, “You have been changed into a cat! Who has done this?”

“I- no,” sighed Amora, pausing mid transformation between cat and humanoid form, “I’m here to seduce you.”

“Aw,” frowned Thor, “Amora, you know you’re beautiful.”

“Stop it!” she growled, having returned to her normal form, “You will leave Jane Foster and return to Asgard with me immediately!”

“I would,” said Thor, “but Jane Foster and I did just agree to make love. Maybe you and I can head out afterward?”

“What? No!” she cried, “You will leave her for me NOW.”

“Amora, I think you’re being unreasonable.”

“Oh?” she asked, smiling confidently as she approached him, “How about now?”

She slowly ran her hand up his inner thigh, stopping just short of stroking his cock beneath his jeans. She leaned in close until her breasts were resting on his chest and breathed slowly into his ear.

“Now you are being unreasonable and also touching me,” said Thor plainly, gently pushing Amora away.

“Ugh!” groaned Amora, “Fine, we’ll do this the hard way. Look at my necklace, Thor.”

“Why, is it new-? Oooh….”

Thor was now gazing into the black jewel hanging from the gold chain on Amora’s neck. He found himself looking closer and closer, as if there were something deep down inside it that he was looking for. Suddenly he couldn’t look away. He just found himself transfixed on the jewel.

“You!” yelled Jane as she emerged from the bathroom.

“Me,” smiled Amora, “Sorry to ruin your little date, but Thor has more important matters to attend to.”

“What?” cried Jane, “No!”

Dark tendrils erupted from the jewel and ensnared Thor, entangling themselves around him. The thunder god let out a battle cry as he gripped Mjolnir and tried to break free, but more and more tendrils grew out and soon he found himself smothered in the dark thralls. A black smoke obscured the struggle for a moment before it lifted, revealing Thor with his wrists bound and the lower half of his face smothered by a tight tendril that gripped his head tightly. Mjolnir lay on the ground at his feet.

“Thor!” called Jane, rushing toward him.

Amora flicked her wrist at Jane. One of the tendrils surrounding Thor sprung to life and snapped into Jane like a whip, knocking her over and onto her back. 

“Rmmf!” protested Thor as he saw Jane groan in pain.

“That’s enough out of you,” said Amora dismissively, “Come, Thor.”

Amora held out her hand. The tendrils binding Thor’s wrist released a long strand that gently floated to Amora’s hand, tightening into a lead as she tugged Thor closer by his wrists. Satisfied with the success of her spell, Amora proudly walked out of the cafe as Thor followed closely behind her.

Jane looked around the cafe. Other patrons were staring in shock. Jane felt completely outclassed by this woman. She was a sorceress, a goddess even! How was Jane supposed to compete with that?

She slowly rose to her feet and looked back to the hammer Thor had left behind. Thor would need that to overpower Amora. Jane wanted to bring it to him, but she knew only Thor was worthy and could truly lift the hammer. Still, she had to try something. Maybe the hammer would know she was trying to get it to Thor. Maybe it would allow her to move it if it was to bring it to Thor. She had to try.

Jane gripped Mjolnir’s hammer. Lightning struck.

***

Thor scowled as Amora jerked him closer by the bonds around his wrists. Thor’s strength was unmatched even by other Asgardians, but this spell drained him of that and left him at Amora’s mercy. The smokey restraints tightened around Thor’s wrists and into his mouth as Amora led him down the street.

Pedestrians stared in confusion as the elegantly robed Amora strolled by with the musclebound man leashed beside her. Thor pouted indignantly. He did not care for this public display of his defeat nor the fact that Amora had prematurely ended his date with Jane. He was having quite a nice time up until then.

“I think we’ve spent more than enough time on Midgard,” mused Amora, “Don’t you, Thor?”

“Mnnphnnph, mnnph!” responded Thor angrily.

“I’m glad you agree,” she said, “Come, let me just call the Bifrost and-”

“HALT!”

An enormous bolt of lightning struck the sidewalk directly in front of Amora and Thor, accompanied by a booming feminine battle cry. Amora shielded her eyes from the light as Thor stared in disbelief. When the light and dust cleared, a heavyset woman stood before them in Asgardian armor, complete with a silver helm covering her eyes and a long flowing red cape. Thor recognized Mjolnir in the woman’s hand.

“No…” whispered Amora, “That can’t be… No one else should be able to wield the hammer…”

“Amora!” roared the woman, pointing the hammer at her, “Release Thor, now!”

Thor was positively beaming under the tendrils muzzling his mouth. He didn’t know who this woman was, but if Mjolnir considered her worthy, he was overjoyed to have her on his side. He eagerly awaited his freedom at her hands.

“I don’t know what manner of sorcery this is,” hissed Amora, “but I will not be fooled by it. Stand down, wench!”

Amora formed a symbol with her hands as her necklace began to glow again. A dozen tendrils emerged and swarmed toward the warrior before her. The hammer wielding hero held Mjolnir in front of her. The head of the hammer glowed white-blue with electricity before releasing a burst of light that dissipated the tendrils into smoke.

“No,” realized Amora fearfully, “That really is Mjolnir… Who are you?”

The woman raised the helm. Amora let out a gasp as Thor’s eyes widened in joy. Jane Foster stood before them in her full armor wielding the legendary hammer of Thor. Her eyes were filled with determination as she stood proudly ready for battle.

“You!” cried Amora.

Jane swung Mjolnir in Amora’s direction and released a bolt of lightning from it. The powerful energy crashed into Amora and surged through her body as she screamed in pain. The black tendrils binding Thor dissipated into smoke as the necklace around Amora’s neck shattered. The electrification finally ceased, leaving Amora a charred and smoking husk on her feet. A moment later she collapsed on the ground. Thor smiled at his newly freed wrists.

“Thank you, Jane Foster!” he said cheerily.

“You’re welcome,” blushed Jane.

“Ooooohhhhhh….” groaned Amora.

“You are a wicked temptress,” said Thor sternly to Amora, “A selfish woman who cannot accept the autonomy of others.”

“Uuuuunnnhhhh…” she groaned.

“Did you still want to make love when I return to Asgard?” asked Thor suddenly, his sternness vanished.

“...yes,” uttered Amora quietly.

“Very well!” he smiled.

“Here,” said Jane, approaching Thor with Mjolnir out, “I believe this is yours.”

“Thank you!” said Thor, grabbing the hammer, “I must commend you, Jane Foster. That was truly-”

**THUD!**

The moment Jane’s hand left Mjolnir it plummeted straight down into the sidewalk. Thor’s hand already had a firm grip on the handle, so he was pulled down to the ground with it as it fell. Confused, he readjusted his grip and pulled upward. The hammer would not budge. Thor tried using both hands, using all of his strength to lift the legendary weapon. It remained where it was.

“Huh,” laughed Thor nervously, “This is new.”

“Can’t you lift it?” asked Jane, herself sounding rather nervous.

“I guess not,” frowned Thor, “I… don’t know what’s happening.”

“Is there anyone who might know?”

“Loki might,” considered Thor, “but I believe they are all the way back in D.C. Do you think you could get us there?”

“Me?” asked Jane in disbelief.

“Aye,” nodded Thor, “with Mjolnir.”

“I’ve never, uh…” said Jane, “...flown a hammer before.”

“It’s easy!” insisted Thor, “Just grip the leather strap and spin it around to build up momentum. Once you’ve done that for long enough, swing it in the direction you want to go.”

“Then what?”

“You’ll get a feel for it.”

“I don’t know…” said Jane.

She didn’t like the idea of flying thousands of feet in the sky with nothing but a ‘feel for it.’

“Don’t worry,” assured Thor, “I’ll help you out. Here…”

Thor walked up behind Jane and wrapped his arms around her, tightly gripping his hands together. Jane blushed. Thor was bigger and taller than her; she felt extremely reassured by the feeling of his enormous arms holding her tight.

“Okay,” he said, “start spinning the hammer.”

Jane did as instructed. She could feel power building up inside the hammer as she spun it more and more. She knew once she swung it she would fly at incredible speeds. She just wasn’t sure exactly when she was supposed to-

“Now!” said Thor.

Jane swung the hammer upward and screamed as she was yanked up and into the sky, clinging onto the leather strap of the hammer desperately with both hands. Thor began laughing triumphantly as they soared higher and higher, hugging Jane tighter as they did. Slowly winds and clouds began to swirl around them and the momentum slowed down. Jane found that they were floating, held aloft by the magic in the wind and clouds.

“Excellent,” said Thor, “Yes, the longer you spin, the farther and faster you’ll go.”

“What now?” asked Jane nervously.

“D.C. is to the east, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then let us go!” he cried, “Take us there, Jane Foster!”

Jane had swung the hammer as Thor said those words. She couldn’t believe it. Thor, the God of Thunder himself, approved of her wielding Mjolnir. She had never felt so strong or capable. This was amazing.

***

“Hm…” pondered Loki, looking Jane and her armor up and down, “I will have to see it for myself.”

“What?” asked Jane.

“Give the hammer to Thor,” instructed Loki.

Jane did so. Loki was in her feminine form now, wearing a loose green wool crop top over a black undershirt and black skinny jeans. She watched carefully as Jane handed off the hammer and Thor grunted as his trusted weapon fell straight to the ground and pulled his arm down with it. He struggled to attempt to lift it again, but failed once more. Loki cackled.

“So?” asked Jane, “What can you tell from that?”

“Nothing,” she sighed happily, “I just wanted to see it.”

“Have you no help to offer at all?” asked Thor exasperatedly.

“What help? The situation seems pretty straightforward to me,,” said Loki, “Jane Foster is the new Thor.”

“What!?” cried Jane in disbelief.

“Whosoever holds this hammer,” recited Loki, “should they be worthy, shall wield the power of Thor. Haven’t you noticed that you’re stronger now?”

Jane looked at her arms. She flexed. Loki was right. She still looked more or less the same as she did before, with her wide set body and thick limbs, but she could feel incredible power in her muscles.”

“But _I’m_ Thor!” he protested, “Are you saying there are two Thors now?”

“What you decide to call yourselves is your business,” shrugged Loki, “but one thing is for sure: Mjolnir chose Jane Foster. She is the worthy one now.”

“That can’t be right,” said Jane, “I’m just an anthropologist. I can’t possibly be more worthy than the God of Thunder.”

“I would argue that _you_ are the Goddess of Thunder now,” said Loki.

“But…” she muttered.

“This is wonderful!” declared Thor, “How does it feel, Jane Foster?”

“Um,” she thought, looking at the hammer, “Good, I guess.”

“You should be overjoyed,” said Loki calmly, “You wield one of the most powerful weapons in the nine realms. There is no one who can bully you or push you around now.”

“How did you know that people push me around?” asked Jane.

“Lucky guess,” smirked Loki.

Jane looked at the hammer again. Then she smiled. She picked it up and felt a surge of power flow through her. Maybe they were right. This did feel good. After years of being ignored and picked on, she was finally strong enough to stand up for herself.

“I have something I need to take care of,” said Jane, stepping outside, “I’ll be back.”

Loki and Thor heard the thunderclap of Jane flying away with Mjolnir. Thor awkwardly wrung his hands. Though he was happy for Jane, it did make him feel a little insecure that he could no longer wield his trusted weapon.

“That reminds me,” said Loki, manifesting a sealed envelope in her hand. “This is for you.”

Thor took the envelope. He recognized the wax seal. It was from Asgard.

***

Darcy groaned as she flushed the toilet and put the plunger aside. Normally she made Jane unclog the toilet whenever it was necessary. She despised having to do any cleaning or chores herself. That’s why she was so happy to have a roommate who did all of that for her. Jane was perfect in that sense. She was a total pushover that Darcy could make do whatever she wanted. That is, until Jane found a horseshoe up her ass and landed a date with Thor. Darcy was still having a hard time believing that.

There was a deafening clap of thunder. Darcy looked around. Normally she wouldn’t have paid it any mind, but given the nature of her most recent visitor she thought she’d take a look out the window. She didn’t see any clouds or anything. Then there was a knock at the door.

Darcy cautiously approached the door and looked through the peephole. She nearly doubled over laughing when she saw who it was. Jane Foster had returned but was dressed in some sort of Thor costume with armor and a cape. She even carried a hammer like the one Thor had. She looked like a dork who had gotten lost at a comic convention.

“What’s wrong, Jane?” laughed Darcy as she opened the door, “Thor not like your cosplay?”

“I want you to apologize,” said Jane.

“Apologize?” scoffed Darcy.

“Yes,” said Jane, “I want you to admit that you selfishly pick on me and take advantage of how nice I’ve been to you.”

“Whatever,” said Darcy rolling her eyes and walking away.

Jane grabbed her by the back of her jacket.

“Hey!” she protested.

Darcy struggled to pull herself free, but Jane’s grip on her jacket’s collar was unbreakable. The force with which she pulled Darcy was powerful too. Darcy couldn’t believe it. Jane had never been this strong or confrontational before. Darcy couldn’t count the sheer number of times she had effortlessly pinned that nerd down for loogies or wet willies. Where was this strength coming from?

Jane finally dragged Darcy all the way outside and shoved her into a clearing in the middle of the parking lot. Darcy stumbled forward. Then she felt Jane walk up behind her, pull back her jeans, and grab onto the back of the waistband of her boyshorts with one hand.

“Oh come on,” sighed Darcy, “Is this all about the wedgie? Get over it.”

“I’ll give you one more chance to apologize,” said Jane, tightening her grip on the waistband and holding her hammer out with her other hand.

“Sorry…” grinned Darcy deviously, “Sorry you’re such a loser!”

Darcy laughed to herself at her own joke. Jane sighed. She had given Darcy several chances to avoid this. Jane was resolute in what she would do next. She gripped the leather strap of her hammer and began spinning it, building up more and more energy. Slowly the hammer began to glow blue and release sparks of lightning. Dark clouds formed in the sky above them as the winds rose to a powerful gust that flapped their clothes and hair around. Darcy felt the grip on her underwear tighten again.

“Wait a minute,” realized Darcy, face turning cold, “No, this is… You can’t… How did…?”

“Don’t mess with the Goddess of Thunder,” smiled Jane.

Jane tightened her grip on Darcy’s underwear and swung Mjolnir straight upwards, launching into the sky with all the force and speed of a violent maelstrom. Darcy’s scream echoed across the neighborhood.

***

“You’re back,” said Loki as Jane approached, “That was quick.”

“The task was straightforward,” she said dismissively.

“Must have been nice,” smiled Loki.

“What?”

“The revenge,” said Loki, “You _did_ get revenge on someone, didn’t you?”

“How did you-?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Where’s Thor?”

“Reading his letter.”

“His letter?”

Thor emerged from the room beside them with a concerned look on his face, holding an open envelope in one hand and a letter in the other. He looked up at Jane. 

“What is it?” she asked.

“I…” said Thor, “... I think I’ve been dethroned.”

**Author's Note:**

> Amora the Enchantress but it's the Kate Beaton version


End file.
